Showing posts with label Tuesday Ten. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tuesday Ten. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Tuesday Ten... I am {blank} Right Now...
I am ready for my life to begin. I have spent so much time putting myself through school to still be working in a restaurant... so I am ready to find that person who is going to give me a chance to be the best lawyer there is out there!
I wonder whether there really is life on other planets... and by life I mean "people" like us. I have always had a hard time believing that we are the only intelligent creatures out there. I wonder if there are "people" just like us on some other planet, in some other solar system, wondering the same thing that I am about whether or not there are other people living out there somewhere.
I see things in black and white. Sometimes to me everything is just black and white. I need to start learning to see the grey and understanding that things are not always going to be perfect and that they sure aren't always going to go my way.
I want my grandparents to all be able to see me get married and to hopefully meet their great-grandchildren. I have been blessed to have been able to know all 4 of my grandparents. My grandfather on m mom's side died while I was in middle school, but the rest are alive and doing as well as they can be for their ages. I was also blessed to have been able to meet 2 of my great-grandmothers. That is something I want when I have children... for both me and my grandparents. I would love for them to all be able to get to know each other like I had the opportunity to.
I pretend that I am really tough. I am not as tough as I seem... though most of the time I can put on a good front. The people who truly know me (i.e. my lover, MD) can usually tell when something is wrong, but lots of people can't. I act like I am tough even though I may be crumbling inside
I worry that I will truly never, ever overcome that awful depression. I know I have mentioned before that I was in a bad depression a while back and that sometimes it creeps back on me. I would like to say that it can't creep back into my life, but it can. I am working hard to overcome it, but I worry that I will never be able to 100% do so.
I cry when I am really worried and feel like life will never go my way. I know that seems selfish, but the lack of being able to find a job a full year after becoming a barred attorney, feeling like I am never going to get married/have kids as I am now 27 (& according to my grandma over Thanksgiving "not getting any younger"), feeling like I am never going to be able to pay back all the debt I got myself into to put myself through law school, etc. I also cry when I am watching "touching" movies (i.e. Lifetime and Hallmark channel movies)... they can be super sad, super happy, etc... but I cry in movies ALL THE TIME!
I hope that when I am old and grey that I will be able to say that I have done all that I wanted to in my life. This includes being married to my best friend, having children, being able to travel the world, having the money to donate to all the charities that are important to me, having some of the same best girlfriends as I do at this point in my life, etc. I know that seems incredibly optimistic but I really do hope it comes true.
I dream of finding my prefect job and being able to finally get my adult life started. Since I still do not have a job in my chosen field I don't feel like my adult life has been able to start. Sure I live on my own (well not really my own, but with my lover), I pay my own bills, drive my own car, etc. but I still don't feel like I have an adult life. Maybe it is because I am still not married, maybe not. Maybe it is because working as a waitress/bartender I feel like I am still in school, maybe not. All I know is I feel like my life has not yet really begun.
I feel so many emotions all the time recently that I can't always adequately express myself. I have been an emotional basket case recently and I don't know why. I can't always seem to put into words how I am feeling. Although right now at this exact moment in time I feel really blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life who I can call my family and friends.
I am linking up with Miss Mommy's Tuesday Ten.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tuesday Ten ... 10 Things I am Thankful For
In honor of Thanksgiving (& of my first week participating in Miss Mommy's Tuesday 10) I thought I would start off with 10 things that I am truly thankful for.
1. Lover. As most of you already know, MD and I just celebrated 5 years together and I really can't imagine my life without him. I am so thankful to have such a loving and supportive man in my life. Sure we may fight sometimes (what couple doesn't), sure there are times where we act a little crazy (again, what couple doesn't), but I know that through thick and thin he will always be there for me which makes me the luckiest girl in the world.
2. My Parents. My parents and I did not always get along... I would love to tell you that we did, but we didn't. As I have gotten older I have come to understand them a lot better and as a result we have a much better relationship and I appreciate what they have done for me way more. I am so thankful that my parents were able to put me through college, that they were able to make sure that I lived a secure life when I was younger, and most importantly that they taught me how to love. My parents were never short on love when we were kids (even though I swore they didn't love me when I was in trouble) and they always made sure that we knew how much they loved us... from little notes in our lunch boxes, to always signing cards with a bunch of little Xs and Os at the bottom, to telling us constantly that they loved us.
3. My Family (the rest of my family, not including my parents because well they deserved their own reasons why I was thankful for them). Not gonna lie, I have a pretty amazing family. Sure we are LOUD, sure we are all opinionated, sure we can all be a pain in the butt sometimes, but frankly I don't know what I would do without them. I was blessed with the opportunity to know ALL of my grandparents...and even a couple of my great-grandmothers. I am blessed with 2 wonderful aunts who love me like their own daughter. And I am also blessed with a little brother who I may not have loved when he first came into this world but who I can't imagine living without at this point. My family is fairly small and all live fairly close to each other (i.e. we all live within a couple hours drive of each other) and I am thankful for the time that we get to spend together. My life would be incomplete without my small immediate family and I thank God every day for them all.
4. My Friends. I think I have some of the best friends in the entire world. My best friends are the type of friends that I can call at 4am when I can't sleep because something terrible has happened and they will be there for me to talk through whatever it is that is bothering me. They are the type of friends that for the most part will drop everything to be there for me. They are the type of friends who are always there to lend a hand or a word of encouragement. They are supportive. I am thankful that I have such great friends in my life, because well not many people can truly say that they have some of the greatest friends in the world. At one point I couldn't even say that. But as I have grown older I know who my true friends are and for them I am truly thankful.
5. Having a job (albeit not my dream job or even a job in my field). With the economy as bad as it is, I am truly thankful that I have some sort of job making me some sort of money. Granted I am still at the SAME job that I worked at to get through law school, but at least it is a job. At least I am no longer a hostess... I am a server/bartender so I am making more money now. There are plenty of people out there without jobs, so I thank my lucky stars every day that I still have some sort of a way to make money in a world where people are struggling.
6. A working car. This may seem like a strange thing to be thankful for, but if you knew all the problems I had with my old car, you'd understand. I loved my old car, but towards the end it was a money pit and I was afraid to drive it because I couldn't afford to fix it. Last year, thanks to the help of my family, I was finally able to lease a new car... a car that I felt safe driving. So I am thankful to no longer be driving a death trap and to know that I can make it from point A to point B in one piece.
7. The opportunity to travel abroad in 2006. In January 2006 I began a journey to find myself while studying abroad in Granada, Spain. I did NOT want to go to Spain, in fact my parents bribed me with a car to get me to go. I am so thankful that my parents made me go because well Spain was a huge part of how I became who I am today. I came back from Europe with more self-confidence, with a sense of knowing how to be independent, I was cultured, I had seen a lot. Spain and my travels through Europe are to this day probably the best 5 months of my entire life. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to travel there and to study there and to become who I was meant to be.
8. Being a Bucknellian (yes, I know this is a super weird thing to be thankful for). I was born into a family of Bucknellians. My parents are both Bucknellians. Both my grandmothers are Bucknellians. Both my aunts are Bucknellians. My great aunt & great uncle are Bucknellians. Many of my cousins are Bucknellians. Orange and Blue runs in my blood. Being able to go to Bucknell and to share that experience with my family is something that is really hard to describe... there is just something about Bucknell that you can't truly understand unless you have been a student there. Plus if I hadn't gone to Bucknell I wouldn't have met my lover and my life wouldn't be what it is today. So thank you Bucknell for continuing to let me bleed orange and blue, for keeping my family connected in a strange yet awesome way, and for introducing me to the love of my life.
9. Holidays. I am very thankful for holidays because it means time off from work to spend time with my favorite people... friends and family. Holidays are the times of the year when I know that no matter what MD and I are going to find ways to visit our families... that we are going to spend lots of quality time in the car together driving from place to place... but that in the end we will have an amazing time because we will be spending it with our families. I also know that even though we are traveling to visit our families, that we will also find the time to celebrate the holidays with our friends. Time off from work and being able to spend it with my favorite people is definitely something to be thankful for.
10. My faith. It is hard to describe why I am thankful for my faith...but I am going to try. I just know that I thank God every day that I believe in Him and that I believe that He has a plan for all of us. Sometimes, when bad things happen, I may doubt Him, but in the end I always have faith that everything happens for a reason even if I may not always be able to understand it. I know that God has a plan for me and that He will not throw anything my way that He thinks that I can't handle. It may not always seem like that is the way, but deep down I know it is. I am so thankful that I have this faith in Him and that I can continue to have faith even when times have not always been the greatest.
I am linking this post up with Miss Mommy's Tuesday 10
1. Lover. As most of you already know, MD and I just celebrated 5 years together and I really can't imagine my life without him. I am so thankful to have such a loving and supportive man in my life. Sure we may fight sometimes (what couple doesn't), sure there are times where we act a little crazy (again, what couple doesn't), but I know that through thick and thin he will always be there for me which makes me the luckiest girl in the world.
2. My Parents. My parents and I did not always get along... I would love to tell you that we did, but we didn't. As I have gotten older I have come to understand them a lot better and as a result we have a much better relationship and I appreciate what they have done for me way more. I am so thankful that my parents were able to put me through college, that they were able to make sure that I lived a secure life when I was younger, and most importantly that they taught me how to love. My parents were never short on love when we were kids (even though I swore they didn't love me when I was in trouble) and they always made sure that we knew how much they loved us... from little notes in our lunch boxes, to always signing cards with a bunch of little Xs and Os at the bottom, to telling us constantly that they loved us.
3. My Family (the rest of my family, not including my parents because well they deserved their own reasons why I was thankful for them). Not gonna lie, I have a pretty amazing family. Sure we are LOUD, sure we are all opinionated, sure we can all be a pain in the butt sometimes, but frankly I don't know what I would do without them. I was blessed with the opportunity to know ALL of my grandparents...and even a couple of my great-grandmothers. I am blessed with 2 wonderful aunts who love me like their own daughter. And I am also blessed with a little brother who I may not have loved when he first came into this world but who I can't imagine living without at this point. My family is fairly small and all live fairly close to each other (i.e. we all live within a couple hours drive of each other) and I am thankful for the time that we get to spend together. My life would be incomplete without my small immediate family and I thank God every day for them all.
4. My Friends. I think I have some of the best friends in the entire world. My best friends are the type of friends that I can call at 4am when I can't sleep because something terrible has happened and they will be there for me to talk through whatever it is that is bothering me. They are the type of friends that for the most part will drop everything to be there for me. They are the type of friends who are always there to lend a hand or a word of encouragement. They are supportive. I am thankful that I have such great friends in my life, because well not many people can truly say that they have some of the greatest friends in the world. At one point I couldn't even say that. But as I have grown older I know who my true friends are and for them I am truly thankful.
5. Having a job (albeit not my dream job or even a job in my field). With the economy as bad as it is, I am truly thankful that I have some sort of job making me some sort of money. Granted I am still at the SAME job that I worked at to get through law school, but at least it is a job. At least I am no longer a hostess... I am a server/bartender so I am making more money now. There are plenty of people out there without jobs, so I thank my lucky stars every day that I still have some sort of a way to make money in a world where people are struggling.
6. A working car. This may seem like a strange thing to be thankful for, but if you knew all the problems I had with my old car, you'd understand. I loved my old car, but towards the end it was a money pit and I was afraid to drive it because I couldn't afford to fix it. Last year, thanks to the help of my family, I was finally able to lease a new car... a car that I felt safe driving. So I am thankful to no longer be driving a death trap and to know that I can make it from point A to point B in one piece.
7. The opportunity to travel abroad in 2006. In January 2006 I began a journey to find myself while studying abroad in Granada, Spain. I did NOT want to go to Spain, in fact my parents bribed me with a car to get me to go. I am so thankful that my parents made me go because well Spain was a huge part of how I became who I am today. I came back from Europe with more self-confidence, with a sense of knowing how to be independent, I was cultured, I had seen a lot. Spain and my travels through Europe are to this day probably the best 5 months of my entire life. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to travel there and to study there and to become who I was meant to be.
8. Being a Bucknellian (yes, I know this is a super weird thing to be thankful for). I was born into a family of Bucknellians. My parents are both Bucknellians. Both my grandmothers are Bucknellians. Both my aunts are Bucknellians. My great aunt & great uncle are Bucknellians. Many of my cousins are Bucknellians. Orange and Blue runs in my blood. Being able to go to Bucknell and to share that experience with my family is something that is really hard to describe... there is just something about Bucknell that you can't truly understand unless you have been a student there. Plus if I hadn't gone to Bucknell I wouldn't have met my lover and my life wouldn't be what it is today. So thank you Bucknell for continuing to let me bleed orange and blue, for keeping my family connected in a strange yet awesome way, and for introducing me to the love of my life.
9. Holidays. I am very thankful for holidays because it means time off from work to spend time with my favorite people... friends and family. Holidays are the times of the year when I know that no matter what MD and I are going to find ways to visit our families... that we are going to spend lots of quality time in the car together driving from place to place... but that in the end we will have an amazing time because we will be spending it with our families. I also know that even though we are traveling to visit our families, that we will also find the time to celebrate the holidays with our friends. Time off from work and being able to spend it with my favorite people is definitely something to be thankful for.
10. My faith. It is hard to describe why I am thankful for my faith...but I am going to try. I just know that I thank God every day that I believe in Him and that I believe that He has a plan for all of us. Sometimes, when bad things happen, I may doubt Him, but in the end I always have faith that everything happens for a reason even if I may not always be able to understand it. I know that God has a plan for me and that He will not throw anything my way that He thinks that I can't handle. It may not always seem like that is the way, but deep down I know it is. I am so thankful that I have this faith in Him and that I can continue to have faith even when times have not always been the greatest.
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