Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Girlfriends

I have never really been a girl to have a ton of girlfriends (which I'm sure you wouldn't guess from some of my previous posts).  Sure I have a bunch of friends who are girls, but I've never been one to have a ton of really close girlfriends.  Then I joined a sorority when I was in college (see this post for a little bit about what my sorority means to me) and I realized that it was possible to have a bunch of good girlfriends.  As I continue through what has become a rocky point in my life, I have started to think that I need to reevaluate some of my friendships with some of my so-called girlfiends and "best friends".

The reason I never had a lot of close girlfriends was because I realized at a fairly young age (or rather in middle school) how cruel girls can be.  When I was younger I had what I thought were 3 really amazing best friends, but then at the drop of a hat 2 (notice I say just 2, because I am actually still super close with 1 of the 3... like over 20 years later) of them just turned on me.  Like turned on my to the point that they asked for the part of the best friends necklace we had together back from me, and when I said that it was wrong of them to do that I found theirs on my locker the next morning.  I'm pretty sure that scarred me for a long time and was the reason that I never wanted to form too many close bonds with the girls in my life.

Fast forward to high school, where once again I had a bunch of friends who were girls, but I never really seemed to let my guard down enough to form a bond to have a bunch of true girlfriends.  In high school I felt like I didn't really fit in with any group of girls either because well a) I was a cheerleader and b) I was in all honors/AP classes... the combination of the two makes it really hard for a teen to figure out who they are and where they belong because I didn't think I fit in with either group really well.  Although, not gonna lie, I definitely did fit in better with the kids in the honors/AP classes...but it was still strange.

Then I went to college and decided to rush a sorority.  For the first time in a long time I realized that not all women are cruel, not all women are out to get you, and that it was possible to have a few really good girlfriends.  Surprisingly enough, joining a sorority also helped me to cultivate a few friendships with girls that I was close with in high school, but had never really let into my life (cultivated so much so that I am invited to both of their weddings, and am even in one of them!)

Which brings me to the point of this post... although I have managed to find a bunch of really great girlfriends, I feel like I am growing apart from some of them... I feel like I don't know them anymore and like I don't understand why they are doing what they are doing.  I feel like we don't make an effort to talk like we used to... ok, scratch that, I feel like I am still trying to make an effort to talk to them, but that they don't return the effort.  I don't know if this is just a bump in our friendship, or if this is life's way of saying that it was good while it lasted, but that we aren't meant to be bffs for life. I don't know if I am feeling like this because I am super stressed out or if there is really something going on.

Am I overreacting?  I would say I would try to talk to some of these "friends", but let's face it, I've tried and have gotten no where.  What is a girl to do?