Today while waiting to get in front of the judge in court I spent a lot of time talking with two lawyers about what my plans are in life now and I have to say I am as confused as EVER. I had hoped that the more I talked to people about my dilemma the more clarity I would get... let me tell you, that is NOT the case.
So here's my dilemma....I have passed the NJ Bar exam (woohoo!) and I have been sworn in so can therefore practice law in NJ. That my friends is awesome, except for the fact that I have been unable to find a job in NJ that is close to where I live (meaning that I am looking for a job in the Camden area). I have a few connections to Northern NJ since that is where my family is from so we know people, who know people, who know people who are lawyers and may be able to give me some help. The problem is, if I get a job in Northern NJ I will have to move back home with my parents which is problematic for two reasons. First off, I have been living with the bf for almost 3 years now and it would be AWFUL to move away from him. I have trouble when we are apart for a few days, so living at home 5 days a week would just not be ideal. I mean I know we could make things work, but it is not something that I am looking forward to potentially having to do. Secondly, when I live with my parents my mother and I have an AWFUL relationship. We are so similar that sometimes it makes us crazy and we fight. And not just normal people fight, we scream so loudly at each other that if you are standing outside you can hear us. When I'm not living with my parents my mom and I get along just fine. I'm nervous that if I get a job in Northern NJ and have to move home my relationship with her will deteriorate again and that it will take us forever to get back to the place we are at now.
Life would be so much easier if I were just barred in Delaware. But... I just missed passing the DE bar exam, and had I not screwed up the corporate law question I think I probably would have passed. I went to law school in Delaware and all of my contacts are in Delaware and since Delaware is such a small state, Delaware attorneys really only know OTHER Delaware attorneys. BUT you can only take the Delaware bar in July, so I would have to wait until October 2011 before knowing whether or not I could practice in Delaware.
I just got a lead on a potential job in Newark, NJ and have sent me resume along to see what comes of it. Part of me would LOVE to get a job at this firm as they are very reputable, have offices all over the country (and a few in Europe), have great benefits, and would really be a great way for me to get my career started. But then there is the part of me that wonders how the rest of my life would turn out if I had to move back home.
While talking all of this over with two Delaware attorneys one of them made a good point. She said that she thinks that I know in my heart what I want to do, but that the practical part of me in my head doesn't want me to follow my heart and just wants to do what will be best for me now. I think she may be on to something. In all honesty, I would love, Love, LOVE to continue with what I am doing do and be employed where I am for the rest of my life. I love what I'm doing and I love the people I work with... BUT in order to keep doing what I am loving, I have to take the Delaware Bar Exam again and I have to continue to support myself on the salary of a waitress while continuing to volunteer. Now that may not sound too bad until you factor in the fact that I have loans coming due in May and that my loan payments are going to be $1502.00/month AND that I currently cannot afford health insurance so I am uninsured right now.
Ugh... I just wish I knew definitely what would be the right thing to do. Until then I'm going to keep applying to as many jobs as possible in NJ and hope that at some point I get some clarity as to what I am supposed to do with my life.