Currently... in January

Today I am linking up with Becky over at Choose Happy for her "Currently" series. This series is all about sharing what we are currently up to and finding ways to encourage and support each other!  I am super excited to participate and look forward to participating in the future.

This month we are talking about what we are currently... //thinking about //loving //reading //planning //baking //thankful for

//thinking about ... what I want to do with my life.  I'm 30. Haven't started my career yet. And a this point I don't even know what I really want to do.  Am I happy I went to law school... absolutely!  Do I know if I want to practice law at this point in my life... not so sure anymore.  I have been toying with the idea of going back to school for my Master's in Higher Education Administration so that I can work for a University.  I have been toying with the idea of doing something sales related.  I have been toying with the idea of restaurant management.  There is just so much going on in my head and I don't know where to begin.  What I do know is I have student loans from law school to pay back, Mark and I would like to buy a house in the near future, and we would like to eventually start a family... and all that means that I need to figure out what I want to do sometime in the near future.

//loving... that I got to spend a fun Monday night at home with Mark last night!  I can't remember the last time that the two of us had a night that was just us hanging out and being just us.  Last night we cooked dinner together, split a few bottles of wine and caught up on some of our DVR'd TV shows.  It was seriously the most perfect Monday night and I wish we had more time to have nights like that where it is just the two of us getting to spend time together.  

// reading ... Little Women as part of the Blogger 2 Blogger Book club... this was of course last month's book and I haven't even started this month's book because I refuse to give up on Little Women.  I am one of those people that no matter how much I have trouble getting into a book I ALWAYS finish it and Little Women will be no exception to that! 

//planning ... our 2015 Super Bowl Party!  Every year Mark and I host a Super Bowl Party where we have some of our favorite people over and this year will be no exception!  

// baking ... The last thing I baked was a collaboration with my mom and it was my dad's 60th birthday cake.  Mom made the cake, I made the icing, and then all three kids (Mark, my little brother and I) attempted to get the cake out of the pans so I could ice it.  Let's just say that Mother Sandford's cake ended up being a disaster yet again... none of us can make it like my Gram does, but it doesn't stop us from trying! 

// thankful for ... all of the amazing people in my life.  I know that no matter what life throws at me I have an amazing support system of friends, family and co-workers in my life.  

What is currently going on in  your life?  

Life Lately

Recently I have been struggling.  Sure when I blog it may seem like my life is all sunshine and roses, but I assure you, that is NOT the case.  Recently I have been struggling.  Sure you may think my life is all flowers and sunshine (especially if you follow my Instagram) because I post pictures like these of my gorgeous flowers I just planted:

or of the fabulous beer can chicken the hubby and I made for dinner on Saturday night...

or my yummy alcoholic beverages....

But in reality, life has been tough recently.  Tough because I went on a job interview and the one woman I interviewed with told me that had my resume come across her desk without my husband's recommendation she would have thrown it in the trash without a second thought.  She told me I was too overqualified for the job in which I was applying and that basically because of my education no employer would ever consider me for an entry level job.  She told me I needed to find a way to "dumb down" my resume or I will never get anywhere in the corporate world.  Talk about a blow to one's self-esteem... the one thing I am most proud of, my education, is what could potentially be holding me back from getting a job... how is that even possible?!

Don't worry though friends, even though this got me down, it doesn't mean that I am down for the count.  After hearing this I decided to take matters into my own hands and made an appointment to discuss my resume with someone from Bucknell.  I am happy to report that after an hour long phone conversation today I have a completely revamped resume and a new plan for how I am going to go about looking for a job.  To say that Bucknell's Career Development Center has been amazing would be an understatement.  They have been WAYYYY more helpful to me than my law school has and I am so grateful that I went to such an amazing undergraduate institution that cares so much about not only its students, but also its alumnae!  After today I am confident that I will find a job and I will get myself started down a career path that will carry me on through the rest of my life.

Besides the whole job thing, I have also been struggling a bit with my personal life.  About a month ago I got the text that one of my ex-bffs had her first child.  As happy as I was to see that she had a beautiful, happy, healthy baby, the text also made me incredibly sad and in fact made me cry.  You see, since our huge falling out this is only the second major life event that I have not been able to share with her.  We had been friends since right before our freshman year of high school... we were there for each other through graduations, breakups, engagements, her wedding, etc.  I had always thought that she would be one of my life long friends and that we would end up having kids who would be best friends (even though we live a million miles apart).  I would have dropped pretty much anything to be there for this girl and it just hurt so much to realize that it isn't the case anymore.  I found out she was pregnant through another mutual friend, found out she had the baby though a mutual friend, etc.  Sure it is great that our mutual friends let me know what is going on in her life because no matter what she thinks I will always care about her, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I have thought about reaching out to her to say congrats, but I don't want her to take it the wrong way and to think that I am doing this just to ruin this special time in her life.  Because that really is the last thing that I want to do.  Having a child, especially your first, is supposed to be a joyous occasion and I do NOT want to ruin that for her, but I do want her to know that I am happy for her and that I truly only wish her and her little family the best.  So I am torn about what to do... do I send her a quick text message or e-mail saying congrats, or do I just leave well enough alone?  Who knows, she might think that her life is better off without me, although I am not sure that mine is better off without her because I do still miss her friendship.  I still remember all the good times that we had together and it is pretty much impossible to erase her from my life. 

I recently stumbled upon this Facebook status I had made a year or so ago (thank you TimeHop App for my phone) and it really makes me think about this friendship gone bad.  Was she meant to be in my entire life, or was she just meant to make an appearance?  Seeing as we had been friends since about 1999 it makes me feel as though she was supposed to be in my entire life, but who knows, maybe 14 years is all our friendship was meant to last.  Whatever the case may be, it still hurts and I still don't know what to do.  Do I reach out to her and hope for the best? Or do I just leave well enough alone?

What has been going on in your life lately?  Have you ever had a situation where a friendship went sour and you didn't know if/how to fix it? 

Fortune Cookies

Last week I went out to lunch with 2 of my favorite girls, SC & MO.  We went to PF Changs and had a fabulous lunch where we were able to catch up, get advice from each other, and really just have a good time without the stress of work, boyfriends, co-workers, etc.

While we were there we received fortune cookies, and I have to say that I pretty much loved my fortune.  Normally I get fortunes that are silly and that I disregard, but this time was different.  This time my fortune was...

"The best times of your life have not yet been lived."  

I think this may be the best fortune that I have ever gotten.  Things have been rough these past few years, but never so horrible that I really couldn't deal.  There have also been some amazing times these past few years where I have thought that life just couldn't get much better.  This fortune was a wakeup call for me... it reminded me that life goes on and that things will get better and that I have a lot to look forward to.  Sure I may have had some heartbreaks, sure I may have lost people that I love, sure I may have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life right now... but that is ok because they best times of my life probably have not yet been lived.

I am 27 years old and I still have a lot of life to live.  So it is just reassuring to know that although these haven't been the worst times of my life, they also haven't been the best.

Can't wait to see what the rest of 2012 has in store for me!

Soundtrack to My Life

One of my friends (along with one of her friends) has started a blog called The November Project (which you can find here).  Their "Day 14" post was entitled "Make a Playlist" and DD made a playlist of the songs that reminded her of her past.  As I was reading her post, I realized that I have a bunch of songs that remind me of the various stages of my life and I decided that I was going to make a playlist of the songs that mean something to me.

So here is what the soundtrack to my life would sound like....

1. "The Sign" - Ace of Base This was the first single that I had on CD... I remember listening to it ALL the time

2. "Up Against the Wall" - NSYNC My friend CM and I were obsessed and I mean OBSESSED with NSYNC in hs...we were also obsessed with Lance (too bad he turned out to be gay) and we were even more obsessed when we went to see them in concert and watched them velcro themselves to the wall on stage... can you say HOT?! (or at least HOT to a bunch of hs girls)

3. "You Know My Name" - Chris Cornell Title song to the movie Casino Royale which MD & I saw on our first date <3 

4. "The Right Kind of Wrong" - LeAnn Rimes This was one of the songs that we listened to ALL THE TIME on the bus going to football games when I was a cheerleader in HS.  We would belt this out on the bus before... and after games. Brings back a lot of good memories.

5. "My Hump" - Black Eyed Peas Or should I say "My Girls"...any of my Chi Mu pledge class sisters probably have fond memories of this song as we did a parody of it for song round of recruitment... "My Girls, My Girls, My Girls...My Chi Omega Girls"

6. "Dirty Little Secret" - All-American Rejects I went to see them in concert at Penn State with a few of my favorites (VG & LA) and this was my all time favorite song.  It was quite a trip filled with lots of laughs and good times... plus when the PSU kids would chant "We are..." and then answer "Penn State" we would yell "Bucknell" lol

7.  "Gold Digger" - Kanye West 3 words... Spring. Break. Italia.  What an amazing trip with amazing people... nothing says Italy like having random Italian men sing "Gold Digger" to you

8.  "Supermassive Black Hole" - Muse This is one of the songs in the first Twilight movie.  My friends and I are all pretty much Twilight obsessed... and every time I hear this song it makes me think of my girls :)  (Lots of love to KT, JG, SS, EO, & NS)

1. 9.  "SOS" - Rhianna This song brings me back to Bucknell and many days of pregaming with VG before heading out for the night... somehow this song ALWAYS ended up on our drinking playlist

10.  "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" - Cyndi Lauper What girl doesn't love this song?! This is one of those songs that my girls and I will drop everything to belt out any time we hear it.  Imagine hearing this in a room full of sorority girls...oh the memories

11. "Heaven is a Place on Earth" - Belinda Carsile Again.. what girl doesn't love this song?!  This is another classic belt it out every time it comes on song.  

12. "Wannabe" - Spice Girls Another song that brings me back to my younger days... I remember watching the Spice Girls movie on HBO when it first came out back in the 90s... and I'm kind of ashamed to say that it was on a week or two ago because I saw it when flipping through channels and I totally stopped to watch it... needless to say, MD thought I was crazyyyyyy

13. "Living on a Prayer" - Bon Jovi As a Jersey Girl you KNOW this list would not be complete without a little Bon Jovi... I know "Living on a Prayer" is probably a little cliche because well everyone seems to know/love this song... but I can't help it... I just love it and it help keeps me true to my Jersey roots.

14. "Let's Get Loud" - Jennifer Lopez Another flashback to high school cheerleading... this time to freshman year when I was on the varsity basketball cheering squad.  We had an awesome dance to this song... a dance that I still remember most of too this day... especially the one part that I had such a hard time with.  Oh how things stick with you like 11 years later... (man I really am getting old... it's been 11 years since I was a freshman in hs... CRAZYYYY)

15. "God Gave Me You" -  Blake Shelton If any of you read my blog, you know from reading here why this song means a lot to me... but if you haven't read that post, this song reminds me of how lucky I am to have MD in my life and how I couldn't imagine it without him!

16. "Fallin' For You" - Colbie Caillat Along the same veins as song # 15, this song reminds me of MD because a while back he posted a link to this song on my facebook wall letting me know that this song made him think of me :) (Seriously... how cute is he?!)

17. Sex and the City Theme This really just reminds me of my girls that I met at Fridays and the girls I met through my Fridays girls.  I don't know where I would be today without all of these ladies...they definitely helped make the transition to living down here from a pretty dismal situation where my only friend was my bf to me having a close group of girls that I know I can count on for ANYTHING

18. "Watch Me Shine" - Joanna Pacitti This song has helped get me through a lot of rough times.  Every time I hear it, it reminds me that I can do anything that I put my mind to and that there is no one who can hold me back.  Also doesn't hurt that it is from one of my all time favorite movies... Legally Blonde

19. "Who Says You Can't Go Home" - Bon Jovi Again another Bon Jovi song makes it on to the soundtrack... because I mean who says you can't go home.  I will always be true to my Jersey roots and although my home is currently in West Chester, PA with MD... my HOME will always be in New Jersey where I grew up!

20.  "Angel" - Natasha Bedingfield This song reminds me of my sorority family because we are the Angel Family... and this was our family song!

21. "Hey Micky" - Toni Basil This song brings me back to my cheerleading days in HS... but more recently it brings me back to TGI Fridays Bar Championships back in September. I had been a bartender for all of 2 weeks and I had to compete in our store wide Bar Championships Competition and I ended up placing 2nd in front of a bunch of experienced bartenders and it was AWESOME

22. "All Roads Lead to You" - Chicago As much as I hate to put this on here this song reminds me a lot of my ex-MC. I used to think that this song was about our relationship because I was convinced that he and I were going to be together for ever...he even bought me the Chicago boxed set of CDs for Christmas which included this song on one of the CDs.  Even though we aren't together any more and this song obviously does not have any bearing on our relationship because we haven't talked since we broke up... every time I hear it I still think of him and my life wouldn't be what it is today if I hadn't dated him and fallen in love with him and his family.  (btw... I still love his family)

23. "Holiday in Spain" - Counting Crows This song really just makes me long for Spain and makes me want to go back there like none other

24. "Oye El Boom" - David Bisbal Reminds me of my days living in Granada where I became OBSESSED with all things Spanish.  I can't wait to go back there one day to relive the magic that was the 5 months that I spent there.

So I didn't quite make it to 40 songs like DD did in her blog post, but I do have to say that I put a lot of thought into the 25 songs that would make it onto the soundtrack to my life.  I also tried to keep it short because even in the day of IPods, Satellite Radio, etc. I would actually like to put all of these songs onto a CD so that years from now I can go back and see what I thought the soundtrack to my life would sound like in 2011.... cause I'm sure that I'll add on to this as the years go on and more songs start to hold a special meaning for me.

If you were to make a soundtrack to your life... what songs would you include?

Confused as Ever

Today while waiting to get in front of the judge in court I spent a lot of time talking with two lawyers about what my plans are in life now and I have to say I am as confused as EVER.  I had hoped that the more I talked to people about my dilemma the more clarity I would get... let me tell you, that is NOT the case.

So here's my dilemma....I have passed the NJ Bar exam (woohoo!) and I have been sworn in so can therefore practice law in NJ.  That my friends is awesome, except for the fact that I have been unable to find a job in NJ that is close to where I live (meaning that I am looking for a job in the Camden area).  I have a few connections to Northern NJ since that is where my family is from so we know people, who know people, who know people who are lawyers and may be able to give me some help.   The problem is, if I get a job in Northern NJ I will have to move back home with my parents which is problematic for two reasons.  First off, I have been living with the bf for almost 3 years now and it would be AWFUL to move away from him.  I have trouble when we are apart for a few days, so living at home 5 days a week would just not be ideal. I mean I know we could make things work, but it is not something that I am looking forward to potentially having to do.  Secondly, when I live with my parents my mother and I have an AWFUL relationship.  We are so similar that sometimes it makes us crazy and we fight.  And not just normal people fight, we scream so loudly at each other that if you are standing outside you can hear us.  When I'm not living with my parents my mom and I get along just fine.  I'm nervous that if I get a job in Northern NJ and have to move home my relationship with her will deteriorate again and that it will take us forever to get back to the place we are at now.

Life would be so much easier if I were just barred in Delaware.  But... I just missed passing the DE bar exam, and had I not screwed up the corporate law question I think I probably would have passed.  I went to law school in Delaware and all of my contacts are in Delaware and since Delaware is such a small state, Delaware attorneys really only know OTHER Delaware attorneys.  BUT you can only take the Delaware bar in July, so I would have to wait until October 2011 before knowing whether or not I could practice in Delaware.

I just got a lead on a potential job in Newark, NJ and have sent me resume along to see what comes of it.  Part of me would LOVE to get a job at this firm as they are very reputable, have offices all over the country (and a few in Europe), have great benefits, and would really be a great way for me to get my career started.  But then there is the part of me that wonders how the rest of my life would turn out if I had to move back home.

While talking all of this over with two Delaware attorneys one of them made a good point.  She said that she thinks that I know in my heart what I want to do, but that the practical part of me in my head doesn't want me to follow my heart and just wants to do what will be best for me now.  I think she may be on to something.  In all honesty, I would love, Love, LOVE to continue with what I am doing do and be employed where I am for the rest of my life.  I love what I'm doing and I love the people I work with... BUT in order to keep doing what I am loving, I have to take the Delaware Bar Exam again and I have to continue to support myself on the salary of a waitress while continuing to volunteer.  Now that may not sound too bad until you factor in the fact that I have loans coming due in May and that my loan payments are going to be $1502.00/month AND that I currently cannot afford health insurance so I am uninsured right now.

Ugh... I just wish I knew definitely what would be the right thing to do.  Until then I'm going to keep applying to as many jobs as possible in NJ and hope that at some point I get some clarity as to what I am supposed to do with my life.

Thoughts anyone?

Rainy Days

It's been raining here for the past couple of days which is both good and bad.  It's AWESOME because we really needed the rain because well everything is just so dry and it's making allergies awful... like really awful.  My allergies usually don't start bothering me until the leaves start to change, but this year they started like a week and a half ago while the leaves are pretty much still green.  Although I'm happy for this rain, I'm not enjoying it too much as it has been equating to not so good days for me and it makes me just want to stay in my pjs all day with a cup of tea and a good book.

Yesterday I had quite the Monday.  By 9am I had already fallen in the parking garage and scraped up my knee pretty badly.  You see, because it was raining I decided instead of wearing flip flops to walk from my parking garage, through the hotel parking garage to court like I normally do, I decided to instead wear my heels for the walk so that my feet wouldn't get wet.  Bad idea on my part.  It was just my luck that my heel got stuck in a crack in the parking garage and in trying to get unstuck... which was difficult because a) I was wearing a dress, b) I had my briefcase and tote bag on one arm/one hand and c) I had a cup of coffee in another.  Well needless to say I was not successful in gracefully getting my heel unstuck and ended up on the ground with a bleeding and swollen knee and a twisted ankle... awesome right??  And to make things better I couldn't get it to stop bleeding like ALL day while I was stuck in court.

Things in court didn't go much better.  We lost our trial yesterday morning...it wasn't the best case ever, but I thought we could have gotten the conviction on the lesser included offense, but no such luck.  It was kind of sad for the first trial working in this new unit to be a loss, but hey, I know we can't win them all.  I'm supposed to be 2nd chair in another trial tomorrow which I think will go better for us because it is pretty slam dunk on one of the charges... the others are going to be a bit tricky.  We're going to try one more time to settle this with a plea, but working with juveniles is always tricky because parents are just plain crazy and don't want their kids to have criminal records regardless of how solid our case is, so they try to fight these things.  I've even seen parents go so far as to try to convince their children to commit perjury to get out of being convicted of a crime.  First off, don't try to convince your child to commit perjury when you are sitting in front of the prosecutor, that's just plain stupid.  Secondly, you shouldn't be trying to convince your child to commit perjury anyway, because perjury is a SERIOUS offense and could get both you AND your child in a lot of trouble.  But some parents just don't see it that way... they see it as they are trying to protect their child.  I guess I just don't get that because I'm not a parent yet.  Though I am reasonably certain I will never try to convince my children to commit perjury just to get out of being a convicted of a crime that the state has pretty solid evidence that they did in fact commit.

Today on this rainy Tuesday what I really want to do is some baking and then curl up on the couch with a book and a cup of tea.  Unfortunately that is not what is going to happen today because this is my marathon week of working and I have to go into my "paying" job today.  For those of you who don't know me, I have a few jobs... some paying and some not.  Since I just graduated from law school I have been unable to find a job since I don't know if I passed the bar exam yet, so I'm volunteering at the Attorney General's office as an "Assistant AG" being sworn in under this State Supreme Court Rule that allows law school graduates to practice like attorneys in certain public service positions.  So I work there 2 days a week volunteering my time working 9 hour days... all so that I can keep getting legal experience while looking for an actual job and waiting for bar results.  BUT volunteering for the AG's office isn't going to pay the bills, so I also work at a restaurant hosting and as of today serving to make some money so that I can just barely afford to live at the moment.  Thank goodness for the bf who has been taking care of ALL of the household expenses so that I only have to worry about my own for now while I'm not making much money.  Without him I'd be pretty much doomed right now and would probably have to move back home with my parents and all that fun stuff.  Anyway, today I start my training for serving because I need to make a little more money so that a) I can give the bf some money for the household bills and b) that I can feel like if I want to go out and grab a quick happy hour drink with the girls that I can do that without thinking about the fact that I really can't afford it.  Plus, oh yeah, I need a new car.....

So it's off to go get ready to head into my paying job... Can't wait until Saturday when I FINALLY get a day off... AND get to go visit one of my favorite places on earth... BUCKNELL!

Starting a Blog... Me? Really?

Never in a million years did I think that I would be one to start a blog.  But then I realized how awesome and therapeutic it could be, so I'm giving it a try.  I don't know if I'll be any good at this or if anyone really wants to read what I have to say, but you know what, I don't care.  I'm looking forward to starting something new and putting down in writing what is really going on in my head.

But now the problem is, what to say.  I have so much going on in my head, life is changing and I'm growing up and sometimes I just don't know what to do about it all.  I've graduated law school, am looking for a job, one of my best friends already moved away, another one is moving away on Monday, friends are getting engaged, friends are getting married, I might be getting engaged soon, I'm looking for a new car, I signed the lease with my boyfriend, my grandmother is really sick, my grandfather just had surgery, I'm scared to death about my loans coming due and not having enough money to pay them all... the list goes on and on.  I know I need to take these things one at a time, but just getting them out there makes me feel a little bit better.

I think that's it for now, maybe more later on a single topic, but just wanted to say Hello Blogging World, I'm here! :)