Thursday, October 3, 2013

The Story Behind My Blogging Hiatus

A blogging hiatus... yup, that is what I have been engaging in these past few weeks, or wait, who are we kidding, practically the past month!  Life has just been so super stressful this past month and honestly I have done a very poor job of handling it all.  I am going to share a little bit about what has been going on, not everything because well let's face it, if I air some of my dirty laundry out here in blog land it will cause way more drama than I am prepared to handle at this moment in time, but I also feel like I should explain myself a little... maybe those of you who actually read this thing can even give me some advice!

So the event that started my whole downward spiral into being stressed out beyond belief was that on September 11th one of my bridesmaids unexpectedly dropped out of my wedding and in fact will no longer be attending the wedding.  Needless to say I was devastated.  She said some really hurtful things to me and it is obvious that we will most likely NEVER be friends again.  I'm not even sure I could be in the same room as her at this point in time.  Granted I probably should have seen this coming.  Our friendship seemed to be going through a rough patch, but never in a million years did I think that things were this bad.  Now, I am not going to claim that I was totally innocent in all of this.  I will admit that I did make a few comments that I probably should not have, but honestly I never made them to offend her, I was just talking about weddings and wedding planning and I had NO idea that she was offended by some of the things that I said.  Until she told me that something I sad had offended her, I honestly had thought nothing of it.  In retrospect looking back I guess I could have changed the wording of what I said, but I in no way had ever intended for it to be malicious.

Part of what hurt the most about this entire situation was that someone supposedly told her I said something that I did not in fact say.  I am the type of person that if I said something I would own up to it.  I am not going to hide and pretend like I didn't say it... I will tell you to your face that I said it.  When she confronted me about the stuff that offended her, I admitted to saying it because well I had said it.  So doesn't it stand to reason that if I had said the other stuff that I would have admitted to that too? But apparently that is not the case. And I am apparently a fake friend and didn't care about her at all, so she will no longer be supporting me at my wedding to MD.  The fact that she thought I was a fake friend and didn't care about her at all is what hurt the most.  I have cared about this girl for so long... we have made it through so much together... and to hear her say those things hurt more than you could have imagined.  I spent almost 2 days crying off and on.  I spent 2 days calling all of my wedding vendors to change contracts around since I had planned on having 7 bridesmaids and now I was down to 6.  It was like ripping a band-aid off every time I had to explain to someone what had happened... and let me tell you IT HURT! I was really down in the dumps... I didn't even want to go to my own bridal shower which was on September 14th.  I was defeated.

Thankfully I have some of the most wonderful friends and family in the entire world.  The few that knew what had happened, because no, unless they read this post most people still don't know what happened, were so amazing and showed me so much love and support. The only people who I have told until now are the mothers, the wedding party, and 3 of my other close girlfriends.... who they have told I have no idea... but for the inner circle of people who knew what was going on, I never would have been able to pull myself out of whatever it is that I was in without them.  Even though I felt as though something terrible had happened and that I was a horrible person, I have been blessed with some wonderful and amazing friends who showed me how much they care about me and reminded me that despite what one person may think about me, that is not who I really am.  I can't let the way that one person is labeling me dictate who I think I am... I KNOW who I am.

In the end I am still hurt by what she said and that she is no longer going to be a part of my wedding.  But I also know that those who are still going to be a part of the wedding are some of the best friends that MD and I could EVER have asked for.  They are so loving and supportive and would do anything for us... and for that we are beyond incredibly blessed.  I know that although in my heart there will be a little hole which this bridesmaid left, that no matter what we will still have people there on our wedding day who love and support us and who will be there for us as we begin this new journey!

That being said, the other reason I have been on a blogging hiatus is also that the last month of wedding planning is SO FREAKING TIME CONSUMING!  There are just so many last minute little details to attend to that I think my head might explode.  We only have 16 more days until the wedding and I am not so sure that everything is going to come together... but hey, let's hope it does!

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