Life Lately

Recently I have been struggling.  Sure when I blog it may seem like my life is all sunshine and roses, but I assure you, that is NOT the case.  Recently I have been struggling.  Sure you may think my life is all flowers and sunshine (especially if you follow my Instagram) because I post pictures like these of my gorgeous flowers I just planted:

or of the fabulous beer can chicken the hubby and I made for dinner on Saturday night...

or my yummy alcoholic beverages....

But in reality, life has been tough recently.  Tough because I went on a job interview and the one woman I interviewed with told me that had my resume come across her desk without my husband's recommendation she would have thrown it in the trash without a second thought.  She told me I was too overqualified for the job in which I was applying and that basically because of my education no employer would ever consider me for an entry level job.  She told me I needed to find a way to "dumb down" my resume or I will never get anywhere in the corporate world.  Talk about a blow to one's self-esteem... the one thing I am most proud of, my education, is what could potentially be holding me back from getting a job... how is that even possible?!

Don't worry though friends, even though this got me down, it doesn't mean that I am down for the count.  After hearing this I decided to take matters into my own hands and made an appointment to discuss my resume with someone from Bucknell.  I am happy to report that after an hour long phone conversation today I have a completely revamped resume and a new plan for how I am going to go about looking for a job.  To say that Bucknell's Career Development Center has been amazing would be an understatement.  They have been WAYYYY more helpful to me than my law school has and I am so grateful that I went to such an amazing undergraduate institution that cares so much about not only its students, but also its alumnae!  After today I am confident that I will find a job and I will get myself started down a career path that will carry me on through the rest of my life.

Besides the whole job thing, I have also been struggling a bit with my personal life.  About a month ago I got the text that one of my ex-bffs had her first child.  As happy as I was to see that she had a beautiful, happy, healthy baby, the text also made me incredibly sad and in fact made me cry.  You see, since our huge falling out this is only the second major life event that I have not been able to share with her.  We had been friends since right before our freshman year of high school... we were there for each other through graduations, breakups, engagements, her wedding, etc.  I had always thought that she would be one of my life long friends and that we would end up having kids who would be best friends (even though we live a million miles apart).  I would have dropped pretty much anything to be there for this girl and it just hurt so much to realize that it isn't the case anymore.  I found out she was pregnant through another mutual friend, found out she had the baby though a mutual friend, etc.  Sure it is great that our mutual friends let me know what is going on in her life because no matter what she thinks I will always care about her, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I have thought about reaching out to her to say congrats, but I don't want her to take it the wrong way and to think that I am doing this just to ruin this special time in her life.  Because that really is the last thing that I want to do.  Having a child, especially your first, is supposed to be a joyous occasion and I do NOT want to ruin that for her, but I do want her to know that I am happy for her and that I truly only wish her and her little family the best.  So I am torn about what to do... do I send her a quick text message or e-mail saying congrats, or do I just leave well enough alone?  Who knows, she might think that her life is better off without me, although I am not sure that mine is better off without her because I do still miss her friendship.  I still remember all the good times that we had together and it is pretty much impossible to erase her from my life. 

I recently stumbled upon this Facebook status I had made a year or so ago (thank you TimeHop App for my phone) and it really makes me think about this friendship gone bad.  Was she meant to be in my entire life, or was she just meant to make an appearance?  Seeing as we had been friends since about 1999 it makes me feel as though she was supposed to be in my entire life, but who knows, maybe 14 years is all our friendship was meant to last.  Whatever the case may be, it still hurts and I still don't know what to do.  Do I reach out to her and hope for the best? Or do I just leave well enough alone?

What has been going on in your life lately?  Have you ever had a situation where a friendship went sour and you didn't know if/how to fix it?