A Stressed out Bride = Emotional Mess

Emotional mess.  Those two words describe how I am feeling perfectly right now.  Up until this point in the wedding planning process things have been going AMAZINGLY WELL, so I knew it was only a matter of time before I had some sort of bridezilla moment.  That bridezilla moment hasn't happened just quite yet, but I feel like it is coming... I don't want it to, but I know it is coming.

Things have been going so smoothly and I had actually really been enjoying planning our wedding.  I have a dress, we have a ceremony location, we have a reception location, we have someone to marry us, we have a bakery, we have our wedding party picked out (mostly), we have our menu set, etc.  We still have a long ways to go... need to pick out flowers, a DJ and invitations being the main things yet... but I know we will get it all done in time and will have an amazing day!

Save the Dates went out yesterday and I have thoroughly been enjoying getting text messages from friends who have received theirs to let me know that they love them and that they are super excited to be a part of our special day.  It makes me feel so awesome that our friends are so excited about our special day.

That all being said... I am completely stressed out and actually spent some time in tears yesterday because of bridesmaid drama.  I am so glad that my bridesmaids are all keeping me in the loop about what is going on, but I am also embarrassed that there is drama going on between them.  I put a lot of thought into who I picked for bridesmaids because well I didn't want there to be drama.  I was in a wedding party where there was a lot of stress between the bridesmaids and it was a TERRIBLE experience for me.  I didn't want to put my own bridesmaids through that.  Yet somehow, they are all going through the exact thing I didn't want them to and that STRESSES ME OUT.  I know it shouldn't stress me out.  I know I should just let it go, but that isn't me.  At this point I even want to say screw the bridal shower & bachelorette party because I feel like it is such an inconvenience and expense for some of them that I don't even really want them to do this for me.

This is how I am feeling right about now...
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I actually thought about e-mailing them all yesterday to tell them to forget the bachelorette and that I would just plan my own.  All I want to do for that is go to the beach with some of my friends.  I am thinking of just saying to people that I am going to plan a beach trip for myself for X weekend in July and anyone who wants to come with me, let me know so I can reserve a hotel room or whatever for the weekend.  This way no one has to shell out money if they don't have to and this way I can also get what I want.  Because I really don't want all the frills of a bachelorette party... I don't want all the typical penis paraphernalia, tiaras, sashes, etc.  I just want to spend a relaxing day on the beach with some of my girlfriends.  I don't even need to go out and party... all I need is a day in the sun.  Hence why I almost feel like just planning my own so that I know that it is a weekend that works for me and that it would be a fun weekend away with any of my girlfriends who want to join us!

We'll see what happens though.   I am going to try to take a step back from everything for a few days and to calm down before I make any rash decisions that I might regret later.  I really am hoping that things all work themselves out and that one day I will look back on all of this and laugh!

Have any of you had to deal with a crazy, stressful bridal party? If so, how did you handle it?

Wordless Wednesday... Pictures from My Phone

Another wordless Wednesday... another batch of pictures off of my phone!

Went to make a drink at work... and this happened....

Sometimes you just need a flask

Or a flask, a drink, and a glass of water?

Finally after 8 years my badge is FINALLY fixed!

"Nan" from her book of recipes my mom's cousin made us all

Happy 118th Birthday Chi Omega!!

#tbt pic... me & 2 of my favorite guys from back in 2006 in Luton, England

Love having a handy fiance... new shelves in the office!

Love warm weather and being able to have coffee & a muffin for breakfast outsid

Wedding cake tasting!!

Bull Run definitely did NOT look like this when we were in college

Loves his car more than me? Cleaning it before work instead of spending time with me!

"The Notebook"... why can't I just turn it off??

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I feel as though every female on the face of the planet has seen the movie "The Notebook" but I feel like most of them are not drawn to it in the way that I am.  This movie for me is like a bad train wreck... I see it coming, but I just can't stop myself. This is one of those movies that no matter how many times I have seen it, any time... and I mean ANY TIME... it is on TV I have to turn it on.  Even though I know that turns it on means that I am in for two hours of almost non-stop tears.  Yet I just can't stop myself.  I have to put it on.

Some might say that this is a form of addiction.  I'll admit it... I am an addict.  I am addicted to watching "The Notebook"  I also think I am a glutton for punishment because I KNOW that this movie is going to make me cry.. I KNOW that this movie is going to stir up all sorts of emotions in me... I KNOW that this movie is going to make me think about my family members... yet I just CAN'T TURN IT OFF.

Why do I do this to myself? I have no idea? Well maybe I do.  Maybe I can't stop watching it because it makes me think of my Grandpa who we lost to Alzheimer's back in 1996.  Maybe I can't stop watching it because it makes me think of my Grammy who is exhibiting the early stages of Alzheimer's.  Maybe I can't stop watching it because my Gram is also exhibiting some of the early stages of Alzheimer's.  Maybe I can't stop watching it because I know that Alzheimer's is a genetic disease and I know that there is potential that I may one day develop this heartbreaking disease.

While watching the movie today I told MD that maybe we should start keeping a journal so that he can read it to me one day to help me remember everything.  He laughed.  Only problem is, I was kind of being serious.  I KNOW that Alzheimer's is a genetic disease and since it runs on both sides of my family I am definitely genetically predisposed to getting it.  I worry that one day I won't remember MD and I am afraid of putting him through what so many members of my family have gone through when our loved ones don't remember who we are.  I know what it feels like to have the grandparent you love so much not remember who you are and to have your little kid heart breaking because they don't remember you.  I don't want to put anyone through that.

I hate that I have lived through losing one grandparent to this horrible disease and I hate the knowledge that I am slowly losing other grandparents to this disease.  I worry that by the time MD and I get married they won't really know what is going on... as is there are days where they don't even remember that we are getting married.

I know I can't obsess over this and that there is no way of telling what the future will bring. So I guess I will just have to roll with it and hope for the best.  Because hoping for the best is all anyone really can do.